


Take It Back

by waterfallliam



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Drinking, Introspection, Monologue, No Dialogue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-09-07 22:22:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8818432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waterfallliam/pseuds/waterfallliam
Summary: Without that kiss, would Nureyev have even told him his name? Without that kiss, would Juno not feel as if Nureyev had stolen something from him, along with that creepy death mask?All that didn't mean he would take it back.(or: introspective third person monologues corresponding with Juno's episodes from season 1)





	

Once again Juno Steel found himself walking down a dark alley in Hyperion City.

Even before he had become a private eye, or even been a cop, it had been a habit of his. A bad one. Powerful enemies, powerful friends who were now powerful enemies - it didn’t necessarily matter who; someone would be waiting for him in one of them eventually.

Juno would rather not stick around to find out which, but he had work to do. And as was his way, he was seeking out trouble.

The fluorescent lights of the next main street were blurry as the rain crashed down, spilling over the brim of his hat. It was a new hat, one he had bought as a whim.

That whim definitely hadn’t been the fact that he had seen it and thought of Nureyev (elegant, stylish… perhaps a little eccentric). No, he was trying to get Nureyev out of his mind. As far away from his mind as he could.

That kiss, Juno thought, it was all because of that kiss. Nureyev with his good looks and his way with words had been something, _sure_. But would Juno be lying awake late at night more often than he would like if it hadn't been for that kiss? If he didn't know that Peter’s lips were soft as they looked? Softer, even.

Without that kiss, would Nureyev have even told him his name? Without that kiss, would Juno not feel as if Nureyev had stolen _something_ from him, along with that creepy death mask?

All that didn't mean he would take it back.

The noise of the busy street roused Juno from the mire of his thoughts. He still had a case to solve - there was always a case to solve. He had debts to pay. Dues to pay. A life in Hyperion City to live.

That didn't stop Juno from wondering if he should have risked more than money, his life instead (his heart instead) and ran away with the man who would not stop haunting his thoughts.

 

 

\---

 

 

The resolution of this case - this royal case, about which the only royal thing was that it had turned out to be a royal pain in the ass - was as unremarkable as any other. Though he didn’t come away without a cast this time, he didn’t let himself wonder if it was only because he hadn’t visited the emergency room.

He didn’t want to remember how Peter’s large, strong hands had felt. Offering him comfort, and later, clutching him. Those beautiful hands in handcuffs, but not for long.

It was stupid, so stupid of him, Juno thought. Thinking he had seen Nureyev, smelt him even. If Nureyev had been there, after the pill, surely he would have stopped Juno from swallowing it. He would have been there with a flirtatious one liner that was somehow flattering and ...endearing.

He might have shaken Juno shoulders with those strong hands of his. He would have found a way to rob him. Hell, he might even have kissed him again, and tried to suck the pill right back out of him, just so he could disappear again.

Juno wondered if it would have mattered. Nureyev _had_ already robbed him of more than just the key to  his safe. Somehow, Nureyev had a hold on...

Juno shook his head. It wasn't somehow. He knew full well how. All it had taken had been one case together. A pretty face. Flattery, affection... that kiss (that… _everything_ about him.)

Juno wasn't sure if he liked where his thoughts were going. At the end of the day, all he was left with was half a promise and the memory of how he smelled. Yet he was still alone.

It was time for the last - and what was always his favourite - part of a case. Alcohol. Maybe some food. Definitely crashing into bed, the pillow cool against his cheek; him, not quite numb enough to feel any semblance of peace.

The bad guy had gotten away, and he’d hurt a friend.

Still, life in Hyperion City went on.

Sometimes, late at night when he couldn’t sleep (when he caught himself ruminating, staring his own hands on the wheel of his car, the same place _his_ had been) Juno thought about whether he would actually ever meet Nureyev again.

If Nureyev even was his real name. He did have a flair for the dramatic. Juno hoped the note hadn't just been that - that Nureyev had, after all, maybe, just maybe trusted him.

But there was no knowing. No certainty.

(Maybe if they met again that could change.)

And ever since the smell of his cologne had faded, Juno couldn't help but feel like something was missing.

 

 

\---

 

 

Juno knew he only had himself to thank.

Getting his shit together, going after Martian artifacts… he hadn’t cared where this case would take him. He was trying to abandon his own selfishness, but in doing so he had momentarily forgotten that old habits died hard.

He was still being selfish. And although he had promised himself differently, Nureyev’s pretty face was affecting him.

Maybe he should have considered all possibilities. He should have- but no. He hadn’t thought he’d see Nureyev again. Hoped sure, late at night when the lights of the city where too bright and his thoughts too loud. Not when he tasted blood in his mouth. (Or was it especially when he tasted blood in his mouth?)

He was still angry though. For how Nureyev made him feel. For what he made him want.

Juno had already got all that he deserved. Juno had a life. His life.

But what about Nureyev?

 

 

\---

 

 

_Don’t give up on me yet._ Juno trusted that Nureyev hadn’t given up on them.

Juno wasn’t sure if he could trust himself to do the same. They were still speeding along, darkness enclosing them.

Juno suppressed a shudder as he was reminded of a most unpleasant visit to the sewers. At least here he could be pretty certain that he wasn’t going to be attacked by monsters with his face. Pretty. Certain. Nureyev’s hand on his… helped.

_Not everything is about you._ The pill… it was sheer bad luck that he had taken it. Or had it been his moral compass? Who had he been trying to save this time?

But that sheer bad luck had saved Nureyev… how bad could his luck really be? Juno didn’t dare look at him again. He was scared of what he might say.

They might die.

Maybe he should say something. It was clear that Nureyev trusted him. And that Juno trusted him too. Maybe definitely.

But what if they lived?

Should he say something then?

 

 

\---

 

 

Juno was in a bad situation, one worse than he’d ever been in before. He was back on death’s door, trapped away from sunlight, from time. And he wasn’t going to be useful (to himself, to anyone, to Miasma) for much longer.

But this time he had something he’d never had before. Someone he trusted. Someone he… felt for. Felt a lot for. Nureyev.

Him and Nureyev… Peter and Juno.

Juno wished he would hurry the hell up.

 

 

\---

 

 

He had meant it, he really had, when death seemed just seconds away. When he felt disconnected from a chance to live, from the city that had made him. That he was still fighting for. Nureyev, too, maybe even primarily.

But he had left him outside. He didn’t know whether it was because he knew that it would end, better for it to end early, or because the city, all those lives, really did matter more. Either way, he cared.

(No one would be happy forever, but what was his fleeting, glittering dream when compared to Hyperion City?)

Later, now, as he pressed the cool glass against his temple, he was of half a mind to regret leaving that hotel room. Leaving Peter. Juno really was a fool.

It wasn’t about the fear that Nureyev would leave him stranded halfway across the galaxy when their passion finally flamed out. It wasn’t about not believing in love. Juno _had a life_. One that would have to be ...adapted to his new shooting skills, sure, but it was his. His life in his city. His responsibilities, his mistakes.

Peter Nureyev would lick his wounds. He would recover. Juno Steel would get up tomorrow, eventually, to nurse his inevitable hangover with more alcohol.

His wounds would also heal. But being the kind of person who left Peter, alone, after… everything - Juno didn’t know if there was a remedy for that (for leaving him.)

One night.

Juno wouldn’t take it back. All that he deserved. _More_.

Or would he, knowing he had hurt Peter?

The lights of Hyperion City twinkled at him through his window, and Juno reached for the bottle.

A chance at happiness. Imminent death might reveal innermost desires, but there was more to Juno than that. He didn’t particularly want to think about what those layers were right now.

Peter. That’s who Juno wanted. But… Juno couldn’t have. Not when Hyperion City already had him.

When he fell into his own, cold, bed, he couldn’t help but swipe his hand across the empty space where no one was.

  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Then again, did he really think that Peter wouldn’t think to look for him in his office? Want some kind of explanation, at least? Have a right good go at Juno for hurting him?)

Juno was too tired to think about much of anything.

**Author's Note:**

> i really, really love Juno Steel's adventures. most of this was written as i listened to the eps (so realising that some of it matched up with some of the stuff Juno actually says is really cool) and i listened to one adventure per week (it was so lovely being able to look forward to an adventure every week) so yeah editing was mainly for coherency and making sure i didn't make any too drastic errors anywhere. i really hope i got Juno's voice at least somewhat right, i really love him and his adventures :') anyway thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed!


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